Sing, sing a song

                                                Nightingale
  

When you think about the mentor in your life, many try and avoid thinking of their parents. For many reasons this happens, many don’t want to admit the influence they’ve had over their lives, they’ve had a bad experience with them, or they just don’t care. I unlike other people am not afraid to admit that my mother, Gina Marie Porretta-Baker has had the biggest impact on my life and is my number one mentor.

Gina; meaning garden or powerful mother of all black people, both describe her perfectly. My mother has taken up a powerful passion for teaching. She wasn’t always an English teacher, she started off her career in the employment of Verdi Group. My mother was let go from the building, as many others were too. To keep the family income, she began her teaching career in the school Edison. How much joy do you think she got from this experience? Surprisingly she had a lot. Not from the principals or the teaching assistants or the school itself, no she got her inspiration from her students. Her students were inspired by her, as was I.

My mothers a teacher, an English teacher to be exact, a teacher that began to inspire her students each and every day and earned the respect of each student. You can see the passion she feels for her students, the way she comes home sometimes so aggravated you feel as if she could bring on thunder from the anger spitted throughout her words. Apart from the aggravation, she comes home flustered. Not a bad flustered, a flustered where she wants to help each and everyone, but knows its impossible. My Mother prides in her students, and they take pride in her. She comes home every week or so with a letter, gift, picture from one of her students and you know by the way she smiles she loves each one of them and has a deep appreciation for each gift and word that is written on that card.

My Mother was not only a teacher, but a friend to her students. She would stay late, discussing how a student may do better and would help figure out why her students were not doing as well as they may usually have been doing. One of her students was having trouble at home; his father was in jail, and his mother was an alcoholic. Both of his parents left his sister to take care of him, his brothers, and sisters. But his sister wouldn’t pay attention to him, neglected him like the rest of his family had. They were abusive towards him, and my mother had found this out. He was never fed any food, and would starve some days. My Mother knew there was a problem that he was encountering in his life. He opened up to her, poured his problems to her, like pouring rain, each beat of his life hit a string in her heart. She took him to a shelter that day, a shelter that would feed him food and give him a place to stay at night that would protect him, not beat him like his own family back home.

My Mother didn’t just care about her students, she had a caring for ever person that was in need of her help. As Whoopi Goldberg once stated, “When you are kind to someone in trouble, you hope they’ll remember and be kind to someone else. And it’ll become like wildfire.” My mother started many wildfires.

I remember on two different occasions how my mother changed the way I thought about those random people roaming the streets. It was a brisk, freezing, rainy day, as we were on our way home we were just passing by Mercy high School. We both noticed a girl walking by herself, with a baby carrier in her hand. I wasn’t as much thinking about the girl herself, but that poor baby in the carrier. Babies have such a high mortality rate and they can die from the cold more quickly than an average adult can, so yes I was panicked for that little child. As my mind was racing with these different intricate thoughts, the car had come to a stop.

“Do you need a ride home?”

“Thank you.” The girl replies.

So many different curious thoughts pulled into my mind, why had my mother stopped for her, was it the same reason as I was thinking about? … I was happy to the fact she had taken action, instead of the laziness I had conquered up as a polar bear in that back seat, just watching and listening. That beautiful baby girl had been asleep the whole time; the cruelty of the rain had no effect on that innocent time of peace. As we drove the girl and her baby home, my mother was invited in to the house. I was invited in too but I was scared, like a deer in the headlights, not knowing what to do. As five minutes went by, then ten, then fifteen, my mother finally appeared in the doorway, and was given a plate of the families dinner, with the girls mother crying and hugging my mother saying,” Thank you.”

The smile my mother wore, like a ray of sunshine that couldn’t be ruined by thunder, the way her cheeks rose to a blush red, the way her voice shone as a firework she told me how grateful the mother was to be returned her daughter, and her granddaughter.

The second different occasion occurred as we were driving along by the downtown tops. A women was walking, she was elderly, with a wrinkly face, glasses that suggested she may have a difficulty seeing, and carrying bags that weighed her down. My mother saw the difficulty the women was having carrying those bags. The women must have felt like Quasimodo, with all that weight setting on her back. My mothers sadness she felt for that women, the stars crying for the moon on a dark night, the lone puppy crying for her mother, a baby screaming to be held, my mother felt that women’s need for a helping hand. My Mother asked her if she needed a ride somewhere, we took her to the bus stop she needed to be. Even though it was a five minute drive, it would’ve been a fifteen to twenty minute walk for that women, and when I thought of that in my mind I could feel the heaviness of those bags that would weight me down. How I gave pride in my mother that day, I knew she really was just a brilliant women.

My Mothers not someone you forget easily, she has the shortness of an Italian, the wrinkles of someone who has devoted their life to a drive that will push peoples mind to a higher level of thinking, a perspective on life that you just want to have faith and hope everything will just work out in the end. She has faith, in everyone and everything, faith for a better tomorrow, faith that the war in Iraq and Afghanistan will end, and we will be restored back to our husbands, wives, friends, children, partner, faith that people will be restored their jobs, faith that god will show us the plan he has in mind for us, she has faith.

She helped me become a better person. She taught me that life may knock me down, but I had to get back up on my own two feet. Mom also taught me that even though some people may never understand and may never believe in me, I have to believe in myself. She told me though, “I believe that you will change the world someday.” And even though that’s a wide set goal, I hope to change someone’s life, as she had changed many.

My mother is a nightingale; she is heard over all the other birds. She will always be heard, and I will always be there to listen.

My Journey

Dear Reader,


Throughout half of my senior year I participated in a class called College Composition. I had chosen this class because I had thought it would be rigorous and would set my mind to what college would be like for a freshman and how I could overcome obstacles as a writer to pursue that college mind. I was surprised though, the class had not only changed my thinking level from adolescent to mature, but had changed my passion and love for writing. I have always been a music fanatic, I would just sit for hours and produce two or three songs for the guitar and to sing. Even though I could write music, writing a piece of literature had not come so easily to me. Taking this class showed me to think deeper and anyone who can put their mind to a piece of writing can produce a masterpiece. As Jim Rohn said, "Never begin the day until it is finished on paper".


When starting this class I thought I had the knowledge of a writer having taken English class throughout middle and high school, but I was astonished as to what else there was to learn. Writing comes in mainly four types of modes, narration, descriptive, expository, and persuasive. Each mode proves different when you are writing a paper and when given a assignment you want to choose carefully as to which mode will best fit. Narration is when you are telling a story to the reader and help by using characters, a plot, setting, a climax, and a resolution. Descriptive writing is when you elaborate on details and especially use your five senses of touch, taste, smell, sight, and hearing. Expository writing is when you are trying to explain something to the reader and will produce a "how-to" paper with step-by-step instructions or an explanation on why something was done, such as the building of the Erie canal. Persuasive writing is when you are trying to persuade someone to do something, or let you do something. With each paper you want to use a different language and to provide that language you want to lead your reader in with a avid and interesting introduction so that they have your attention.


There are many different ways in which you can grab a readers attention, you may ask a question, start with a fact, or even speak directly to the reader. When asking a question you want to ask one that is open-ended so that the reader is thinking about it, not one that is a quick yes or no question. A good fact is something that is striking to the reader such as, Mark Twain was born weeks after the Halley's comet was seen and died the same day as Halley's comet was next seen. When you speak directly to the reader you want to address their concerns by identifying that concern and by leading them toward considering a new idea or viewpoint. By producing an efficient introduction you are proving to your reader your paper is worth reading.


One last thing I learned in college comp. which proved very helpful to me was that you want to show your reader by using descriptive words and examples, not just tell them. Taking College Composition as one of my senior electives for English was one of the best choices I have made and have grown as a writer and as a person from that class.


As a writer I am very self-conscious, I don't want the world to read my papers or even give thoughts to them because I don't want to disappoint them. This was my weakness and you can see it in my early papers because they were bland, didn't provide any detail just a paper with words. But as I overcame this obstacle and learned more about myself as a person and a writer I began to produce actual papers that I could let someone read and say, "Yes, I wrote that." It's not easy writing, and I have made many mistakes, most being grammar and spelling issues, but there are many strengths I have shown also. Strengths that I have when writing are that I give passion behind words, I don't want to produce a meaningless paper so I provide a paper that is full of detail and explanation so that the reader is not full of boredom. I grew so much as a writer that writing means a lot to me now and even though I had weaknesses, and still do I am growing stronger each and everyday by writing from the heart.


There are many pieces that I have written in this class, "The Breaking Down of Chocolate Chip Cookies", "Florida's Rising Sun", "Nightingale", and "How to enjoy a Road trip". One of the pieces that I wrote that had shown great weaknesses was, "The Breaking Down of Chocolate Chip Cookies" because it was bland. When writing this piece I was not a happy camper, I didn't like chocolate chip cookies as much as the average American does, and I did not feel it was really necessary to write. So with this pessimistic attitude I produced a paper that had an iffy introduction, and a list of brands labeled best to worst in different categories. You can tell in my introduction it was a little weird because I used sentences such as, "The consuming of the chocolate chip cookie, with the warm softness brushing your face, sinking into the taste buds of your tongue, sending an intense rush of food pleasure throughout your body." No I don't get orgasms when I eat chocolate chip cookies, so I knew that this introduction needed revision so when writing a blog of three different introductions for our food paper it proved worthy because know I have enough thought as to what introduction is best for this paper. I realized after coming back to the paper, it wasn't half-bad I just needed to tune it up a bit. With the new introduction it was a first step, but then I had to go through the whole paper and re-word some phrases such as expanding on descriptions that gave sight as to what category the chocolate chip cookie brands were being graded on. When describing the cookie as a whole my presentation was short, "The cookie as a whole is also very necessary, the quantity of chocolate chips, the color of the cookie, and the size all matter. When comparing the looks of the cookies I came up with this list from best to worst..." Blah, blah, blah, right? This was the last piece I was going to let bring me down though and when producing the other three pieces they had all shown a different strengths in my writing.


When writing how to enjoy a road trip, me and my partner Cassie had decided to split the paper into two parts, Cassie would write the pre-road trip packing and I would write the how to enjoy the actual road trip. When comparing parts you could tell that it was split up between the two of us because mine was more elaborate and showed details when explaining the road trip and her examples were bland. When she was writing the pack necessities part it was "Pack necessities a) clothes b) toiletries c) snacks d) books" comparing hers to mine, my part was "1) Breathe- With this, you have to learn to pace yourself with the breaths that you are to be taking. If you see someone wearing tight pants with no spandex and their skin being sucked in, breathe for them. If you are doing “who can hold their breath the longest” contest, make sure at all times the driver is breathing, we do not want a car accident. If you see someone who may have a gun, just breathe, if you don’t hurt them they won’t hurt you." So when comparing parts of the paper you can see that it was a weakness that we had not worked together and the paper as a whole was a little sloppy. On my part though I thought it was a good paper because I was very sarcastic as you can see during the breathe examples I stated that, "If you see someone wearing tight pants with no spandex and their skin is being sucked in, breathe for them." One of the other papers which I thought had shown much strength of mine was the Seven Deadly Sins paper. When writing this paper we had to base our topic on an idea where the seven deadly sins could potentially take place. My characters setting took place on vacation to Florida. When arriving to Florida she comes across different characters such as Beatrice Portly, Delia Manate, and Scarlet. I thought this paper had shown strength because characters names could be associated with which sin they were to partake in, Beatrice Portly would commit a sin of gluttony, while Scarlet would commit the sin of sloth. I was able to produce a climax, Delia was caught kissing a boy whom which her father was not very happy about (no it is not a Romeo and Juliet story), and a resolution which provided the main character a time of peace when she would go to bed after a long day. The piece was narration, one of the four modes of writing, and was one of the better papers in which I had written over the course of this class because I could provide good details and a good set plot. Nightingale was the best out of my papers because I was very passionate about writing this. Nightingale was based off of my mother who had provided to be a great mentor in my lifetime. Nightingale had provided insight to my mothers life and her care for everyone around her and showed this with examples of helping a young woman walking home in the pouring rain with her baby by driving her home, and helping a old woman on the streets being weighed down by tons of groceries by offering her a lift to the bus station. Examples weren't the forte of the paper though, it was the metaphors and similes that made the paper. "He opened up to her, poured his problems to her, like pouring rain, each beat of his life hit a string in her heart", that was one of the similes that I thought put the right setting as to how one of my mothers students had been touched by my mothers light. Nightingale was the best paper I have written all year.


When writing each paper and then looking back over them, we had to provide insights as to what was our thought-process to complete each paper, what do we need to change and how can we change it? So when making a blog based on a paper that was written I would help provide an insight to the reader. With the paper on chocolate chip cookies, I provided three different introductions where the reader could look over each and  help me choose which one they thought had more detail and more significance over the other two and really helped me change my paper around just with that thought. This blog was titled, the beginning of an end, which I named because the introductions were to help end my dilemma as to where the paper was going to go. The chocolate chocolate chocolate evaluation was one of the blogs in which I provided my thought process to the reader as to why and how I wrote this paper. This included the research I performed, evaluating the cookie itself then going further by looking at their website layout and viewing their activities they had with the layout they provided. Also I showed the reader why I had the introduction based on my mothers kitchen; because it is an American household scent and is commonly and widely known as one of the greatest scents known to mankind. With the gimme gimme more of the chocolate chip cookie second draft I had changed my original draft around and made grammatical changes and fixed spelling errors, as well as put in a different introduction than the first time round. Moving on to the seven deadly sins blog entries, I wrote the blog how my eyes viewed the original seven deadly sins because I was going back to the day when I first got the assignment on what we were writing and how I wondered where I was going to go with this paper because it wasn't a ordinary run of the mill paper. With this paper I really had to think of a good place in which seven deadly sins could be committed and after thinking of a good place had to come up with scenarios which could fit in with the setting and characters that would fit in with the scenarios. With this blog it provided detail as to why I chose Florida as the destination where seven deadly sins would take place and why I chose characters such as Lane Lively, and Beatrice Portly. The will you evaluate the fun you have on a road trip blog was a blog written to look back on the how to enjoy a road trip paper. This paper was suppose to be informational to the reader and provide good details as to how the reader could do little things to get ready and enjoy the road trip of their life. And lastly I wrote a couple blogs based on my paper Nightingale which was based on my mother. As I grow up my mother will always be the Nightingale to sing me a song was asking the reader to help me with the revision of the paper and asking questions like if the paper was too lengthy to get an idea as to what needed to be changed and how to change it. These blogs took time and effort, and with each and every one I put that time and effort in. I wanted each blog to be detailed and full of examples so that the reader could grasp what I was saying and could have examples to see where I was coming from. As a writer, writing these blogs was a good way to get ideas out there and have input come back.


As a writer when writing these papers and writing the blog entries to go along with each different paper, I gave it my all. Sometimes I landed on my face with a paper but I was always given good input so I could get back on my feet with each one. I hope you enjoy reading through my blog, and ask questions or even give input. My papers give insight to my life as a writer, and my thoughts. Writing is passion.
Your friend,
Clara Baker

Gimme Gimme More of the Chocolate Chip Cookie, second draft

                        The Breaking Down of Chocolate Chip Cookies

Peanut butter cookies, mint chocolate chip cookies, oatmeal cookies, or chocolate chip cookies? Well, 25% of American families are choosing chocolate chip cookies, Why? because they are one of the oldest cookies in America, and happen to be one of the best. So how do we pick out which chocolate chip cookie brand is the best and more traditionally like our homemade ones? Well to pick out the best chocolate chip cookie brand we have to look at different factors such as packaging, the smell and taste of the cookie, the cookies shape and distribution of chocolate chip cookies, and the overall taste of the cookie.

When a customer first lays eyes on a product they look at how the product is laid out. This makes packaging is essential, you want to buyer to notice your product so you make your packaging as original as possible. Many different factors could catch a buyer’s eye; color, nutrition, ingredients, and how the package is presented. When comparing these six brands to each other I find that the list of best packaging goes from best to worst as follows:

1) Chips Ahoy; kid-appealing this package offers an easy open pull tab that eliminates the mess and is made with real chocolate to eliminate any false accusations of “fake” chocolate.

2) Chips Deluxe; this earth-friendly package is made so that you are able to recycle the paper and help our earth, and also offers “chocolate in every bite”.

3) Pepperidge Farm; is different from the rest of the brands with a package that is paper, not plastic. Also this package offers real ingredients that include milk chocolate chunks, and real butter with natural vanilla flavor. 

4) Archway; promises to taste as good as your mothers homemade cookies, with a bow imprinted into the package that adds a touch of elegance.

5) Wegmans; pretty bland label that includes plastic that is clear with a simple red label stripe in the middle, and are able to look through the package to see the golden brown of the cookies. 

6) Murray; sugar-free cookies which are not appealing to most customers who want a real chocolate chip cookie, and are made with splenda which are proven to be “cancer packets”. 

The cookie as a whole is also very necessary; the quantity of chocolate chips, the color of the cookie, and the size all matters. When comparing the looks of the cookies I came up with this list from best to worst:

1) Pepperidge Farm; Pepperidge farm cookies looked the most appetizing because they were thick, had the right amount of chocolate chips, and were a beautiful golden brown.

2) Murray; Murray cookies had very small chocolate chip cookies, but they were mixed throughout in a good enough quantity so that you could taste a chocolate chip in every bite. There were no ridges on the cookie, meaning the cookie was very soft, and the cookie was lightly colored.

3) Chips Ahoy; Chips Ahoy had a larger shape than the first two cookies that were Chips Deluxe, and Murray. Chips Ahoy was thinner than the other two listed before and had many different cracks and ridges in the cookies.

4) Chips Deluxe; the chips deluxe cookie was very circular, with indented chocolate chips and hard ridges and cracks.

5) Archway; archway cookies didn’t look like a chocolate chip cookie, it looked more like a oatmeal cookie with piece sticking out of the cookie, did not look appetizing as a whole at all. 

6) Wegmans; this cookie wasn’t my favorite when comparing the look of the cookies because when taking it out of the package it was very sticky, wouldn’t detach from the other cookies, and had barely any chocolate chips in the cookie. 

Your five senses kick in when comparing cookies to each other, I already went over the sight of a cookie, but what about the smell and feel of a cookie? Do you want a cookie that smells like your grandmothers kitchen, or one that smells like you have just walked in a pile of dog poop? You already know that I have been making lists, so here we go again:

1) Chips Ahoy; Chips Ahoy had a smell of chocolate, not a bad thing seeing as I always have a craving for good chocolate.

2) Murray; Murray cookies smelled of sugar, which is very ironic because Murray cookies are sugar-free.

3) Chips Deluxe; Chips Deluxe cookies had a smell of more chocolate than consistency of dough and other ingredients. 

4) Archway; Archway cookies smelled like oatmeal cookies, not chocolate chip, and were very soft and doughy feeling.

5) Wegmans; had no smell, very bland.

6) Pepperidge Farm; Pepperidge Farm smelled like vinegar, which is so disgusting.

It’s the moment you have been waiting for, the overall taste of the cookies. Now, I was hoping the Pepperidge Farm cookies were to be the best tasting because I have had the brand beforehand and thought the cookies were not bad at all, but when I smelled the cookie I was thrown back. When devouring a cookie you don't pay that close attention to what you are eating but when you are grading the cookies you start to pay attention more closely to the taste. So here it goes: 

1) Chips Deluxe; chips deluxe was my favorite brand because it was just the right crunch, and had a chocolate chip in every bite that I took.

2) Chips Ahoy; Chips Ahoy was not bad, not great, but was one of the better ones.

3) Murray; Murray cookies were very sugary, and had the worst aftertaste of fake sugar.

4) Wegmans; Wegmans cookies tasted very bland, and had no flavor to them.

5) Pepperidge Farm; Tasted vinegary. 

6) Archway; had a very bad taste, like expired oatmeal.

So folks I am going to leave you with inspirational quotes from the taste tester by the name of Grant Hines, they were quite comical and the best out there:

“Rust of Excitement”

“Looks like Dog Biscuits”

“I usually like these cookies, what’s happening?”

“Little sour, better expectations”

“Ew”

“I can’t believe Chips Deluxe is my favorite so far!”

“Open up the gold mine!”

“I feel like my mama made these.”

That’s it folks. Enjoy those chocolate chip cookies brands.

As I grow up, my mother will always be the nightingale to sing me a song

I chose the paper where we had chosen a person that was older than us and had shown us meaning to life because it was a paper where I had felt passion for. I took much time out for writing this paper because I wanted it to be meaningful to both me and the reader. Some different feedback I would like to receive are as follows:

1) Is the paper too lengthy?

2) Can the reader relate to the paper and feel a sense of passion?

3) Do I need to add more examples or different metaphors, similes, etc...

4) Is the conclusion and introduction well-written or does it need to be revised?

5) Any other feedback would be awesome:]

   

                                                                  Nightingale

When you think about the mentor in your life, many try and avoid thinking of their parents. For many reasons this happens, many don’t want to admit the influence they’ve had over their lives, they’ve had a bad experience with them, or they just don’t care. I unlike other people am not afraid to admit that my mother, Gina Marie Porretta-Baker has had the biggest impact on my life and is my number one mentor.            

            Gina meaning garden or powerful mother of all black people, both describe her perfectly. My Mother had taken up a powerful passion for teaching. She wasn’t always an English teacher, she started off her career in the employment of Verdi Group. My mother was let go from the building, as many others were too. To keep the family income, she began her teaching career in the school Edison. How much joy do you think she got from this experience? Surprisingly she had a lot. Not from the principals or the teaching assistants or the school itself, no she got her inspiration from her students. Her students were inspired by her, as was I.

My mothers a teacher, an English teacher to be exact, the one where she has students that believes in her and her teachings. You can see the passion she feels for her students. The way she comes home, sometimes so aggravated you feel as if she could bring on thunder from the anger spitted throughout her words. Apart from the aggravation, she comes home flustered. Not a bad flustered, a flustered where she wants to help each and everyone, but knows its impossible. My Mother prides in her students, and they take pride in her. She comes home every week or so with a letter, gift, picture from one of her students and you know by the way she smiles she loves each one of them and has a deep appreciation for each gift and word.

            My Mother was not only a teacher, but a friend to her students. She would stay late, discussing how a student may do better, and figuring out why her students were not doing as well as they may usually have been doing. One of her students was having trouble at home; his father was in jail, mother an alcoholic, which left his sister to take care of him and his brothers and sisters. But his sister wouldn’t pay attention to him, neglected him like the rest of his family had. They were abusive towards him, and my mother had found this out. He was never fed any food, would starve some days. My Mother knew there was a problem he was encountering in his life. He opened up to her, poured his problems to her, like pouring rain, each beat of his life hit a string in her heart. She took him to a shelter that day, a shelter that would feed him food and give him a place to stay at night that would protect him, not beat him like his own family back home.

            My Mother didn’t just care about her students, she had a caring for ever person that was in need of her help. As Whoopi Goldberg once stated, “When you are kind to someone in trouble, you hope they’ll remember and be kind to someone else. And it’ll become like wildfire.” My mother started many wildfires.

            I remember on two different occasions how my mother changed the way I thought about those random people roaming the streets. It was a brisk, freezing, rainy day, as we were on our way home we were just passing by Mercy high School. We both noticed a girl walking by herself, with a baby carrier in her hand. I wasn’t as much thinking about the girl herself, but that poor baby in the carrier. Babies have such a high mortality rate and they can die from the cold more quickly than an average adult can, so yes I was panicked for that little child. As my mind was racing with these different intricate thoughts, the car had come to a stop.

            “Do you need a ride home?”

            “Thank you.” The girl replies.

           

            The smile my mother wore, like a ray of sunshine that couldn’t be ruined by thunder, the way her cheeks rose to a blush red, the way her voice shone as a firework she told me how grateful the mother was to be returned her daughter, and her granddaughter.

            The second different occasion occurred as we were driving along by the downtown tops. A women was walking, she was elderly, with a wrinkly face, glasses that suggested she may have a difficulty seeing, and carrying bags that weighed her down. My mother saw the difficulty the women was having carrying those bags. The women must have felt like Quasimodo, with all that weight setting on her back. My mothers sadness she felt for that women, the stars crying for the moon on a dark night, the lone puppy crying for her mother, a baby screaming to be held, my mother felt that women’s need for a helping hand. My Mother asked her if she needed a ride somewhere, we took her to the bus stop she needed to be. Even though it was a five minute drive, it would’ve been a fifteen to twenty minute walk for that women, and when I thought of that in my mind I could feel the heaviness of those bags that would weight me down. How I prided in my mother that day, I knew she really was just a brilliant women.

            My Mothers not someone you forget easily, she has the shortness of an Italian, the wrinkles of someone who has devoted their life to a drive that will push peoples mind to a higher level of thinking, a perspective on life that you just want to have faith and hope everything will just work out in the end. She has faith, in everyone and everything, faith for a better tomorrow, faith that the war in Iraq and Afghanistan will end, and we will be restored back to our husbands, wives, friends, children, partner, faith that people will be restored their jobs, faith that god will show us the plan he has in mind for us, she has faith.

            You remember how in the beginning I told you how we every now and then blame our parents for things that sometimes help us in the end or we just want to put blame on someone and they are the easiest to think of to blame. Its like, “My dog ate my homework”, because we really know that it doesn’t happen it’s just an excuse to get out of the homework assigned (even though once in a while it may happen…). I blamed my mother, and my father, and my family for my depression. I would scream and yell at them all the time for the little things that they had nothing to do with. It wouldn’t click for a while that they were my number one support system, time was the toll I had to pay to find that out.

            My Mother is a nightingale, singing so beautifully in the night. I remember the time I came home from school, and she was playing the piano and singing. I recalled thinking to myself, “What is that song, and where is it coming from”. I will never forget that song, “Let the River Run”, by Carly Simon. It was an unspoken silence, my mother wanted me to just listen, “Let the river run, let all the dreamers wake the nation”. I didn’t wake the nation but I woke up, a chord snapped and as I was once drowning in the water of society, my mother was the lifesaver thrown out to me. My mother, opened her voice to the world, opened her voice to reason and to me that day.

            I couldn’t blame her for what I was going through, I had to blame myself for thinking that I couldn’t stand up to people and value my principles.

            She helped me become a better person. She taught me that life may knock me down, but I had to get back up on my own two feet. Mom also taught me that even though some people may never understand and may never believe in me, I have to believe in myself. She told me though, “I believe that you will change the world someday.” And even though that’s a wide set goal, I hope to change someone’s life, as she had changed many.

            My mother is a nightingale; she is heard over all the other birds. She will always be heard, and I will always be there to listen.

Concluding to the end of a sinful day

1) An image or description that lends finality to the essay

As the sun went down, the darkness led me to my room. The darkness was as black as night, representing an exhaustion known only to those who had witnessed the days event of the seven deadly sins. Trudging along I opened the door to my room, the door creaking so loud anyone who was in the hall may have jumped with fright. I closed the door with a slam, unaware I had done it with so much force I jumped out of my socks. My bed was made up perfectly, no crease in the sheets, and even the pillow. I put on my superman pajamas and as I took a deep sigh I began to wrinkle the sheets as I pulled them back, and quickly I fell asleep for tommorow begins a new day.

2) You can end with a relevant quotation

"But It's the only life we'll know, Blagards to the bone. So don't wreck yourself take an honest grip, for there's more tales beyond the shore." Flogging Molly sings to me as I fall asleep, ironically the songs called the seven deadly sins but I ponder no more just wait for an endless dream.

Enjoy the how to enjoy the roadtrip draft

How to Enjoy a Road Trip

Pre-Road Trip:

1)      Pack necessities

a.       clothes

b.      toiletries

c.       snacks

d.      books

2)      Figure out some games

Think of fun, interactive games for everyone to play.

a.       I Spy

b.      Padiddle

c.       Chinese Fire Drill

d.      Alphabet Game

e.       License Plate Game

f.        Punch Bug/ PT Bruiser

g.       Guess Who’s Driving

3)      Choose your travel companions

Choosing your travel companions is important. You don’t want to bring a complainer or someone who just doesn’t want to do anything. Make sure you’ll be able to tolerate your companions for long periods of time. You don’t want to have to push someone out the door.

4)      Check the car

Make sure the car is good to go. Check:

a.       gas

b.      brakes

c.       windshield wipers

d.      lights

e.       heat/ air conditioning

5)      Money management

Take into account that you might need money for

a.       toll booths

b.      gas

c.       random souvenirs

d.      food

6)      Music selection

Music is imperative for a road trip. Bring an iPod with playlists or burn a mix CD, or a cassette if you’re that old school. Make sure you have a little bit of what everybody likes or else someone might go nuts.

7)      Prepare for ROAD RAGE

There are some pretty angry people on the road sometimes. Don’t let them drive you to make stupid decisions. But sometimes a middle finger or an angry glare can relieve some stress.

How to enjoy the actual Road Trip:

1)      Breathe:

a.       With this, you have to learn to pace yourself with the breaths that you are to be taking. If you see someone wearing tight pants with no spandex and their skin being sucked in, breathe for them. If you are doing “who can hold their breath the longest” contest, make sure at all times the driver is breathing, we do not want a car accident. If you see someone who may have a gun, just breathe, if you don’t hurt them they won’t hurt you.

2)      Blast CD mixes:

a.       You never want to be losers, so don’t be afraid to blast the CD mixes you prepared. Whether it’s from Kayne West to Taylor Swift (that was irony, since Taylor and Kayne got in a dispute) because people are going to look at your car and be like, “Damn they’re having fun”. Also, you must sing along to the songs you know, or else you are just being a Debbie Downer.

3)      Roll down window:

a.       It’s a road trip necessity, just push the button down that will release the window, let the breeze in. When the breeze is in the car and the music is being blasted, stick your head out the window and let your hair fall into your face. And if you are feeling a little risqué you may want to yell something funny out the window, or just yell.

4)      Wave to:

a.       Deer, they aren’t the only ones who get a boost of self esteem when someone says hi to them (at least were not running them over).

b.      Old Men who have no hair, you have to wonder why they have no hair… obviously it was the wife.

c.       Trucks, they do save you gas if you ride behind them.

d.      Toll booth workers, everyone is to participate, mandatory.

e.       Anyone worth waving too, this may include hot boys, funny looking people, and those who just really need to be waved to.

5)      Drive; let’s not take our eyes off the road.

a.       Even if your friends are having the best time of their life, you have to remember that you allow them to have that fun time. Without your attention, well you wouldn’t be alive.

6)      If tired of gripping the wheel, order someone to take over:

a.       We don’t want anyone on the road who is tired, bored, and overall grumpy. You have friends for a reason, and hopefully you brought those friends, or at least have some. A road trip without friends is a birthday party without cake. Keep our roads safe, and bring our children home.

7)      Relax;

a.       When you’ve reached your destination, you’ve accomplished many such things, surviving your crazy friends, surviving the drive there, actually making it there with hopefully no crashes or accidents, so relax. If it’s sunny, lay out in the sun. Save the unpacking for later, you’ve earned the time to relax.

Instructed by:

Clara Baker

Cassie Peek

Will you evaluate the fun you have on a roadtrip?

When first beginning this paper my partner and I thought it would be cool to list out a step by step explanation to enjoying a road trip. We weren't exactly sure where the paper was going to lead into at the end so we broke the paper up into three parts, the pre-road trip, during the road trip, and the aftermath of the road trip. As we broke the paper into three parts we divided the work among ourselves and Cassie was assigned the pre-road trip section and I was assigned to the during the road trip, and the aftermath of the road trip. Before we split into our separate sections though we had planned out some ideas that would help each other out so that when writing the paper it would be easier when we came together on ideas. From there we wrote separate paragraphs, this wasn't easy knowing that our writing techniques were going to be different but it was much easier as individuals because we could write as we wanted at our own pace without critique from the other. What was easy for me was the fact that I could explain different ideas in my own thoughts, adding different actions such as starting out with the words breathe, and putting breathe in italics so that it would look like an action of breathing out. With each explanation I had put in thoughts that would turn very sarcastic such as, "If you see someone wearing tight pants with no spandex and their skin is being sucked in, breathe for them". Sarcasm is pretty much a easy language to me right next to English so when putting in phrases such as waving to, "Old men who have no hair, you have to wonder why they have no hair... obviously it was the wife", makes the paper seem more loose and fun to read instead of just having a step by step paper.

Even though the paper had been an easy assignment for me, I had not known the extent to which my partners piece would look like and when comparing her part of the paper to mine hers had seemed a little bland with no explanation. So when going over the piece under the pre-road trip where it explains which items are necessary when packing, I would like to see a bit more of an explanation instead of just writing out the words clothes and snacks. Also when looking at the paper I realized the paper has no thesis as to what the reader is getting into. I would change this by setting the reader up for what happens on a road trip and why it is necessary to take a trip with friends and to have fun on the road trip.

Dying on the Seven Deadly Sins (revision)

When writing the second draft of the seven deadly sins paper, I changed a few things. First off I checked the spelling errors that were made in the first paper and made sure that grammar was okay. Secondly instead of ending the paper abruptly I elaborated on the conclusion so that the paper flowed more evenly throughout. Also I added more details to the paper where needed so that the paper would come together and would transition well from one sin to the next.                                              

                                                Florida’s Rising Sun

You know you are on vacation when you have all the seven deadly sins present. They always happen to fall into different patterns of occurrence, and always surprise you as to what happens, and when I say surprise, I mean SURPRISE! The Manate Hotel was priceless.The rooms were suite-like, full of fragrance, every inch of the room was spotless, sitting on the bedside table a line of coupons were available to the spas in the surrounding the area, and also to the restaurants that held the very best food. The sun was out and shining, and being in the car the whole day I just wanted to find a place to relax and get comfy and feel the suns heat against my face. They offered a pool at the hotel; I thought to myself what a great place to just lay in the sun and take in what Florida had to offer me. On the way down the staircase, I came upon the hotel’s manager, James Manate, his face was advertised on all the billboards surrounding Florida, so I was able to recognize him quite quickly.

            “What did I tell you to do with those brochures?” he started yelling at one of his employees.

            “Put them on the table next to the coffee?” she stated, nervous, with sweat beads dripping across her forehead.

            “So stop pacing in front of me and go do what I said!” he replies impatiently, his face reddening with anger.

            “Yes s-s-sir” and runs off to do what he says, nervous of getting yelled at again.

Now not to get off track but you should know that in fairy tales, there is always a princess involved in the story. Well, she wasn’t royalty, although her family inheritance could trump almost all of Florida’s income combined, but she was one of the most beautiful ladies you have ever laid eyes on, with blue eyes that mirrored the color of the pool, blond hair that shimmered in the sun, and a smile that you could not help but just lose yourself in it. Her name was Delia Manate, the girl everyone envied, especially one in particular. Beatrice Portly was her name; everyone that was chatting at the pool would make commentary on her behind her back.

            “Look at the way she runs, we better hide if we don’t want to get caught up in that earthquake.” A girl stated to her friend, who burst out in laughter that was so awful and snort-like, like a pig (oink, oink).

            But you could not blame them for what they said, the girl was fatter than fat, she would sit down in a chair and the whole chair would collapse down beneath the weight, just barely hitting the ground beneath it. I watched Beatrice as she glared at Delia, you could see the jealousy reflect in her eyes as she looked her up and down.

            “It’s not fair mom, she has the body of a goddess, while I have the body of an elephant. Why is she so rich, maybe if we were rich I wouldn’t be so fat? Mom cant you get a better job, so you can buy me better clothes and I can be skinny and beautiful.”

            You aren’t fat thought darling you are beautiful just the way you are.” The way Beatrice’s mother Theresa said that though you could see she had a hint of disgust at her daughter being overweight, Theresa herself was skinny and had a modeling career, but due to the image of her daughter had to quit.

            While Beatrice would just compare herself to how she could become more like Delia, Delia was mesmerized by a certain someone else. His name was Lane Lively, shaggy brown hair, green eyes that were so light you couldn’t help yourself but melt just by staring, and Delia melted right into him. Delia knew it was against the rules to date another employee; her father would be very upset if he found out, and would probably fire him. Delia did not want to hurt him so she would just stare and ponder at him. She would picture his firm hands grabbing her waist as he would pull her into his arms, kissing Delia ever so gentle in the crease of her neck, then moving slowly to her lips where he would linger ever so gently, her wanting more. Delia sighs, long and hard, wanting for her dreams to just for once happen as she dreams them.

            As Delia sighs, so does the lobster girl on the left side of her, Scarlet Infantino. By the way her body glows a dark, deep red you can imagine the days she has been laying out in the sun for hours just wanting to do nothing else. Scarlet groans because she doesn’t like the fact someone is blocking her sun, but does nothing, just lays there in grumpiness not wanting to move her lips, and never wanting to move away from the  sun that she is in love with, (the only way to get Scarlet to go on vacation is if it is warm and there is a sun).

            Across the pool, the waitress Coitina is collecting tips from an elderly man who you can tell is pleased that he was able to look at her breasts, the shirt was in a low v-neck that revealed a little crease of the top of her breasts so she was able to pull a little more money from her customers. She goes back and puts the five dollars she generously received with the rest of her tip money. She asks Lily, the other waitress who was stunning, almost as beautiful as Delia with a deep auburn hair color that would shine in the sun and also had those dark chocolaty eyes, to hand over her tips so she could divide them before the end of the day. You can see by the different bills Lily had produced more in tips then Coitina, and Coitina was bummed about it. In greed Coitina did not split the tips in half; she only gave Lily a twenty dollar bill and kept fifty dollars for herself. Lily had no idea; she only thought Coitina had not produced as much tips.

            Everyone gets up to leave, except for the owner, Delia, Lane, the waitresses, and myself of course. James watches over Lane as he cleans the pool, making sure he adds the right amount of chemicals to the pool and doesn’t miss any spot in the process of cleaning the pool. After making sure Lane has the pool cleaning down, he moves on to see that the bar is sparkling clean and all the dishes are washed off, with no spots of food remaining, and then collects the money the girls made and goes off to count it. As he leaves you can see a glimmer of satisfaction cross his face, his egotism shining through with how much he had made compared to the other hotels whose businesses were going nowhere because of customers preferring his hotel over any other one. The pride he developed would lead to many more hotels, and many more billboards that would advertise his face and how he had owned the best hotels in the state.

            As the boss left, Delia became a little more relieved and went over to where Lane was sweeping the sidewalk. As she touched his shoulder, he turned around in fright so quickly that he came so close to her face she could smell his breath. She smelled a hint of Axe, and his breath smelled like mint gum. She couldn’t help it, the temptation was hard to resist, and kissed him. As soon as she put her lips to his, a jar drops. She pushed him away, and as she pulled away her father was standing right behind Lane.

            “You think its okay to ruin my reputation by dating this slum?” He yelled at her.

            Lane was blushing, not sure what to do as she had kissed him and had not initiated anything.

            “With all the jewels and designer clothes I give you, you go behind my back and kiss this good for nothing freaking boy who cleans pools for god’s sake! You bring such shame upon me!”

            Delia’s tears run streaks across her beautiful face, each one that hit the pavement was another strike in your heart. Even though I was paying more close attention to Delia's tears, Lane had in little time become teary eyed scared of losing his job that he had worked so hard to earn. I realized that the situation could only grow worse and couldn't take anymore tears for the day. Exhausted, I went back to my hotel room strained from the sins the day had held in place for me. I need the sleep I am about to receive, expecting more sins to be in place for me tomorrow.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      

How my eyes viewed my original seven deadly sins

When I started drafting the seven deadly sins paper, I first had to begin thinking of what would be the perfect setting as to where seven deadly sins could occur, hence vacation. Everyone knows that when you take a vacation point-blank you want to escape from all the chaos that being home creates, but you never really escape. Vacation brings in a whole new set of drama, did you pack enough?, forget your favorite pair of shorts?, remember snacks?, etc... Whatever it is you will always be in constant frustration. When writing the seven deadly sins paper I thought of the clever ways to incorporate names into the paper because character names were the hardest part for me to come up with. My names of characters consisted of: James Manate, Delia Manate, Beatrice Portly, Lane Lively, Scarlet Infantino, Coitina, and Lily. I used the name Beatrice Portly because she happened to be in the scenario of committing the sin of gluttony, and portly is another word for chubby and fat. Scarlet Infantino, because she sits in the sun all day and becomes quite red. So when writing the paper of the sins the names just popped into my head as the fit into the scenario.

As I worked on the draft I thought it was quite fun and interesting because I was able to create a different story with basing it off of the original story we read, "All Seven Deadly Sins Committed at Church Bake Sale", and when creating each scenario I was able to put a little juice and interest into the story to sound a little scandalous. But when writing the paper I struggled with a couple of things, the characters names which I had mentioned before, each sin and how they were going to come together in the draft, and if the story was realistic. Before writing the draft I figured out how each sin was going to be committed but wasn't exactly sure as to where they would fit in to each paragraph. Later on in the process as I was writing the paper I messed around with each sin and the placing with where each one should go and got a good idea as to where they were to be placed. I tried to make the story as realistic as possible because I didn't want a phony paper where no one could relate to, so when making a sun-burned character who hated vacation unless it involved somewhere warm, or a hot pool boy that was untouchable unless thought of, or a fat girl who would get jealous of the gorgeous pretty girl, I thought the story would be more interesting.

Even though there was a few obstacles when writing the seven deadly sins paper there were many things that came of ease. These things included description, dialogue, and using the seven deadly sins well. When describing the characters I was able to produce a good description of each one, Delia is labeled as, "blue eyes that mirrored the color of the pool, blonde hair that shimmered in the sun...", Beatrice who was, "fatter than fat, she would sit down in a chair and the whole chair would collapse down beneath the weight, just barely hitting the ground beneath it." And so on and so forth... I used dialogue to emphasize situations where anger was included or was the right place to have placed it. When describing Beatrice I used dialogue as to how people would talk behind her back by stating, "Look at the way she runs, we better hide if we don't want to get caught up in that earthquake." As for the seven deadly sins I thought I had written them well because I was able to come up with situations that seemed realistic and full of sarcasm and irony.

Exemplification is using examples to refer back to what was stated previously in the introduction or the thesis. I learned every good paper had to include exemplification because if you don't provide examples to the reader then they may get lost and feel that the paper is very bland. So when using description words in the paper it is very important for the readers understanding and the papers progress.

After reviewing my paper I learned that I had strength in the fact that I was able to produce many examples of characters and the seven deadly sins. I did use some poor vocabulary and grammar in the paper but is very easy to fix, and need to put in a last example in the conclusion to strengthen the paper.

                                                Florida’s Rising Sun

You know you are on vacation when you have all the seven deadly sins present. They always happen to fall into different patterns of occurrence, and always surprise you as to what happens. The Manate Hotel was priceless, had the rooms that were suite like, full of fragrance, every inch was spotless, and you were given coupons to the spa surrounding the area and also the restaurants that held the very best food. The sun was out and shining, and being in the car the whole day I was just wanted to find a place to relax and get comfy. They offered a pool at the hotel; I thought to myself what a great place to just lay in the sun, and take in what Florida had to offer me. On the way down I came upon the hotel’s manager, James Manate, his face was advertised on all the billboards so I was able to recognize him quite quickly.

            “What did I tell you to do with those brochures?” yelling at his employee.

            “Put them on the table next to the coffee?” she stated, nervous, with sweat beads dripping across her forehead.

            “So stop pacing in front of me and go do what I said!” he replies impatiently, his face reddening with anger.

            “Yes s-s-sir” and runs off to do what he says.

Now you should know that in fairytales, there is always a princess involved in the story. She wasn’t royalty, although her family inheritance could trump almost all of Florida’s income combined, but she was one of the most beautiful ladies you have ever laid eyes on, with blue eyes that mirrored the color of the pool, blonde hair that shimmered in the sun, and a smile that you could not help but just lose yourself into it. Her name was Delia Manate, the girl everyone envied, especially one in particular. Beatrice Portly was her name; everyone I heard at the pool would make commentary on her behind her back.

            “Look at the way she runs, we better hide if we don’t want to get caught up in that earthquake.” A girl stated to her friend, who burst out in laughter that was so awful and snort-like.

            But you could not blame them for what they said, the girl was fatter than fat, she would sit down in a chair and the whole chair would collapse down beneath the weight, just barely hitting the ground beneath it. I watched Beatrice as she glared at Delia, you could see the jealousy reflect in her eyes as she looked her up and down.

            “It’s not fair mom, she has the body of a goddess, while I have the body of an elephant. Why is she so rich, maybe if we were rich I wouldn’t be so fat? Mom cant you get a better job, so you can buy me better clothes and I can be skinny and beautiful.”

            You aren’t fat thought darling you are beautiful just the way you are.” The way Beatrice’s mother Theresa said that though you could see she had a hint of disgust at her daughter being overweight, Theresa herself was skinny and had a modeling career, but due to the image of her daughter had to quit.

            While Beatrice would just compare herself to how she could become more like Delia, Delia was mesmerized by a certain someone else. His name was Lane Lively, shaggy brown hair, green eyes that were so light you couldn’t help yourself but melt, and Delia melted right into him. Delia knew it was against the rules to date another employee; her father would be very upset if he found out, and would probably fire him. Delia did not want to hurt him so she would just stare and ponder at him. She would picture his firm hands grabbing her waist as he would pull her into his arms, kissing her ever so gentle in the crease of her neck, moving slowly to her lips where he would linger ever so gently, her wanting more. Delia sighs, long and hard, wanting her dreams to just for once go as she wants them.

            As Delia sighs, so does the lobster girl on the left side of her, Scarlet Infantino. By the way her body glows a dark, deep red you can imagine the days she has been laying out in the sun for hours just wanting to do nothing else. Scarlet groans because she doesn’t like the fact someone is blocking her sun, but does nothing but just lays there in grumpiness not wanting to move her lips, and never wanting to move away from the  sun that she is in love with. The only way to get Scarlet to go on vacation is if it is warm and there is a sun.

            Across the pool, the waitress Coitina is collecting tips from an elderly man who you can tell is pleased that he was able to look at her breasts because the shirt was in a low v-neck that revealed a little so she was able to pull a little more money from her customers. As she goes back and puts the five dollars she generously received with the rest of her tip money she asks Lily, the other waitress who was stunning, to hand over her tip so she could divide them before the end of the day. You can see by the different bills, Lily had produced more in tips then Coitina, and Coitina was bummed about it. In greed Coitina did not split the tips in half; she only gave Lily a twenty dollar bill and kept fifty dollars for herself. Lily had no idea; she only thought Coitina had not produced as much tips.

            Everyone gets up to leave, except for the owner, Delia, Lane, the waitresses, and myself of course. James watches over Lane clean the pool, making sure he adds the right amount of chemicals to the pool and doesn’t miss any spot in the pool, then he moves on to see that the bar is sparkling clean and all the dishes are washed off with no spots of food remaining, and then collects the money the girls made and goes off to count it. As he leaves you can see a glimmer of satisfaction cross his face, his egotism shining through with how much he had made compared to the other hotels. The pride he developed would lead to many more hotels, and many more billboards that would advertise his face and how he had owned the best hotels in the state.

            As the boss left, Delia became a little more relieved and went over to where Lane was sweeping the sidewalk. As she touched his shoulder, he turned around so quickly that he came so close to her face she could smell his breath. She smelled a hint of Axe, and his breath smelled like mint gum. She couldn’t help it, the temptation was hard to resist and kissed him. As soon as she put her lips to his, a jar drops. She pushed him away and as she pulled away her father was standing right behind Lane.

            “You think its okay to ruin my reputation by dating this slum?” He yelled at her.

            Lane was blushing, not sure what to do as she had kissed him and did not initiate anything.

            “With all the jewels and designer clothes I give you, you go behind my back and kiss this good for nothing freaking boy who cleans pools for god’s sake! You bring such shame upon me!”

            Delia’s tears ran streaks across her beautiful face, each one that hit the pavement was another strike in your heart. I went back to my hotel room exhausted from the sins the day had held in place for me. I need the sleep I am about to receive, expecting more sins to be in place for me tomorrow.