How my eyes viewed my original seven deadly sins

When I started drafting the seven deadly sins paper, I first had to begin thinking of what would be the perfect setting as to where seven deadly sins could occur, hence vacation. Everyone knows that when you take a vacation point-blank you want to escape from all the chaos that being home creates, but you never really escape. Vacation brings in a whole new set of drama, did you pack enough?, forget your favorite pair of shorts?, remember snacks?, etc... Whatever it is you will always be in constant frustration. When writing the seven deadly sins paper I thought of the clever ways to incorporate names into the paper because character names were the hardest part for me to come up with. My names of characters consisted of: James Manate, Delia Manate, Beatrice Portly, Lane Lively, Scarlet Infantino, Coitina, and Lily. I used the name Beatrice Portly because she happened to be in the scenario of committing the sin of gluttony, and portly is another word for chubby and fat. Scarlet Infantino, because she sits in the sun all day and becomes quite red. So when writing the paper of the sins the names just popped into my head as the fit into the scenario.

As I worked on the draft I thought it was quite fun and interesting because I was able to create a different story with basing it off of the original story we read, "All Seven Deadly Sins Committed at Church Bake Sale", and when creating each scenario I was able to put a little juice and interest into the story to sound a little scandalous. But when writing the paper I struggled with a couple of things, the characters names which I had mentioned before, each sin and how they were going to come together in the draft, and if the story was realistic. Before writing the draft I figured out how each sin was going to be committed but wasn't exactly sure as to where they would fit in to each paragraph. Later on in the process as I was writing the paper I messed around with each sin and the placing with where each one should go and got a good idea as to where they were to be placed. I tried to make the story as realistic as possible because I didn't want a phony paper where no one could relate to, so when making a sun-burned character who hated vacation unless it involved somewhere warm, or a hot pool boy that was untouchable unless thought of, or a fat girl who would get jealous of the gorgeous pretty girl, I thought the story would be more interesting.

Even though there was a few obstacles when writing the seven deadly sins paper there were many things that came of ease. These things included description, dialogue, and using the seven deadly sins well. When describing the characters I was able to produce a good description of each one, Delia is labeled as, "blue eyes that mirrored the color of the pool, blonde hair that shimmered in the sun...", Beatrice who was, "fatter than fat, she would sit down in a chair and the whole chair would collapse down beneath the weight, just barely hitting the ground beneath it." And so on and so forth... I used dialogue to emphasize situations where anger was included or was the right place to have placed it. When describing Beatrice I used dialogue as to how people would talk behind her back by stating, "Look at the way she runs, we better hide if we don't want to get caught up in that earthquake." As for the seven deadly sins I thought I had written them well because I was able to come up with situations that seemed realistic and full of sarcasm and irony.

Exemplification is using examples to refer back to what was stated previously in the introduction or the thesis. I learned every good paper had to include exemplification because if you don't provide examples to the reader then they may get lost and feel that the paper is very bland. So when using description words in the paper it is very important for the readers understanding and the papers progress.

After reviewing my paper I learned that I had strength in the fact that I was able to produce many examples of characters and the seven deadly sins. I did use some poor vocabulary and grammar in the paper but is very easy to fix, and need to put in a last example in the conclusion to strengthen the paper.

                                                Florida’s Rising Sun

You know you are on vacation when you have all the seven deadly sins present. They always happen to fall into different patterns of occurrence, and always surprise you as to what happens. The Manate Hotel was priceless, had the rooms that were suite like, full of fragrance, every inch was spotless, and you were given coupons to the spa surrounding the area and also the restaurants that held the very best food. The sun was out and shining, and being in the car the whole day I was just wanted to find a place to relax and get comfy. They offered a pool at the hotel; I thought to myself what a great place to just lay in the sun, and take in what Florida had to offer me. On the way down I came upon the hotel’s manager, James Manate, his face was advertised on all the billboards so I was able to recognize him quite quickly.

            “What did I tell you to do with those brochures?” yelling at his employee.

            “Put them on the table next to the coffee?” she stated, nervous, with sweat beads dripping across her forehead.

            “So stop pacing in front of me and go do what I said!” he replies impatiently, his face reddening with anger.

            “Yes s-s-sir” and runs off to do what he says.

Now you should know that in fairytales, there is always a princess involved in the story. She wasn’t royalty, although her family inheritance could trump almost all of Florida’s income combined, but she was one of the most beautiful ladies you have ever laid eyes on, with blue eyes that mirrored the color of the pool, blonde hair that shimmered in the sun, and a smile that you could not help but just lose yourself into it. Her name was Delia Manate, the girl everyone envied, especially one in particular. Beatrice Portly was her name; everyone I heard at the pool would make commentary on her behind her back.

            “Look at the way she runs, we better hide if we don’t want to get caught up in that earthquake.” A girl stated to her friend, who burst out in laughter that was so awful and snort-like.

            But you could not blame them for what they said, the girl was fatter than fat, she would sit down in a chair and the whole chair would collapse down beneath the weight, just barely hitting the ground beneath it. I watched Beatrice as she glared at Delia, you could see the jealousy reflect in her eyes as she looked her up and down.

            “It’s not fair mom, she has the body of a goddess, while I have the body of an elephant. Why is she so rich, maybe if we were rich I wouldn’t be so fat? Mom cant you get a better job, so you can buy me better clothes and I can be skinny and beautiful.”

            You aren’t fat thought darling you are beautiful just the way you are.” The way Beatrice’s mother Theresa said that though you could see she had a hint of disgust at her daughter being overweight, Theresa herself was skinny and had a modeling career, but due to the image of her daughter had to quit.

            While Beatrice would just compare herself to how she could become more like Delia, Delia was mesmerized by a certain someone else. His name was Lane Lively, shaggy brown hair, green eyes that were so light you couldn’t help yourself but melt, and Delia melted right into him. Delia knew it was against the rules to date another employee; her father would be very upset if he found out, and would probably fire him. Delia did not want to hurt him so she would just stare and ponder at him. She would picture his firm hands grabbing her waist as he would pull her into his arms, kissing her ever so gentle in the crease of her neck, moving slowly to her lips where he would linger ever so gently, her wanting more. Delia sighs, long and hard, wanting her dreams to just for once go as she wants them.

            As Delia sighs, so does the lobster girl on the left side of her, Scarlet Infantino. By the way her body glows a dark, deep red you can imagine the days she has been laying out in the sun for hours just wanting to do nothing else. Scarlet groans because she doesn’t like the fact someone is blocking her sun, but does nothing but just lays there in grumpiness not wanting to move her lips, and never wanting to move away from the  sun that she is in love with. The only way to get Scarlet to go on vacation is if it is warm and there is a sun.

            Across the pool, the waitress Coitina is collecting tips from an elderly man who you can tell is pleased that he was able to look at her breasts because the shirt was in a low v-neck that revealed a little so she was able to pull a little more money from her customers. As she goes back and puts the five dollars she generously received with the rest of her tip money she asks Lily, the other waitress who was stunning, to hand over her tip so she could divide them before the end of the day. You can see by the different bills, Lily had produced more in tips then Coitina, and Coitina was bummed about it. In greed Coitina did not split the tips in half; she only gave Lily a twenty dollar bill and kept fifty dollars for herself. Lily had no idea; she only thought Coitina had not produced as much tips.

            Everyone gets up to leave, except for the owner, Delia, Lane, the waitresses, and myself of course. James watches over Lane clean the pool, making sure he adds the right amount of chemicals to the pool and doesn’t miss any spot in the pool, then he moves on to see that the bar is sparkling clean and all the dishes are washed off with no spots of food remaining, and then collects the money the girls made and goes off to count it. As he leaves you can see a glimmer of satisfaction cross his face, his egotism shining through with how much he had made compared to the other hotels. The pride he developed would lead to many more hotels, and many more billboards that would advertise his face and how he had owned the best hotels in the state.

            As the boss left, Delia became a little more relieved and went over to where Lane was sweeping the sidewalk. As she touched his shoulder, he turned around so quickly that he came so close to her face she could smell his breath. She smelled a hint of Axe, and his breath smelled like mint gum. She couldn’t help it, the temptation was hard to resist and kissed him. As soon as she put her lips to his, a jar drops. She pushed him away and as she pulled away her father was standing right behind Lane.

            “You think its okay to ruin my reputation by dating this slum?” He yelled at her.

            Lane was blushing, not sure what to do as she had kissed him and did not initiate anything.

            “With all the jewels and designer clothes I give you, you go behind my back and kiss this good for nothing freaking boy who cleans pools for god’s sake! You bring such shame upon me!”

            Delia’s tears ran streaks across her beautiful face, each one that hit the pavement was another strike in your heart. I went back to my hotel room exhausted from the sins the day had held in place for me. I need the sleep I am about to receive, expecting more sins to be in place for me tomorrow.